I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
