is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
