How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
