did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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