I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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