Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
