we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
