That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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