Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
