I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
