So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
