it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
