im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
honey bunches of taint.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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