I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
