i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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