i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
