Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
me + whiskey = a bad person
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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