Just cropdusted the office
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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