Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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