Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
40s are totally the cure
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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