True but thats because hes a fetus.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
