We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
