Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
