just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
accomplished twins. life is a go
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
