I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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