Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
