ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
