Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
