This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
