I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
