Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize