Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
