I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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