you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
