In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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