we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just googled if crying burns calories
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
