Can i not drive my cunt home
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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