I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
