why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
