Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
