So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
