Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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