I like to think it a success when the cops are called
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize