Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
