I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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