After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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