we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
