that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
