If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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