Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
