I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Don't make out with my wife yet
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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