i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
