You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
