no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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