I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
