In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
