a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
