Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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