There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
