you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
