i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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