just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize