Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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