He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
