Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
