i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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