just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Two words: blizzard sex
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
