Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
