I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
