Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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