I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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