he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Damn victory sex feels great
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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