This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Two words: nipple clamps
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