i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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