I am puke
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
