That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
