We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
