Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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