Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
