I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
