I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
