i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
