you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
