God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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