Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
