So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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