mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
