If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
