Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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