That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize