So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
