These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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