he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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