so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
