How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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