We won't sleep together?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
