what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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