Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm having to shit out rocks
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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