My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
