this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
