im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
