I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
