Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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