if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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