My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
