Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
