4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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