I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i out mim tonsoeep
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
