I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
