Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i came on her dog
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
