I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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