I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
