Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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