my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize