i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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