Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize