He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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